we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
