oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
