Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize