so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
