he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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