ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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