i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He's a Shit stain on my heart
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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