My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
