i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
