My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
