FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
