I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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