How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
