If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
