i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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