When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize