how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
