Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize