it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
