look no pants
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
