Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My balls are so social today.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
