Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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