I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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