My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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