I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
