So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
