What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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