Hey man sorry I got all grabby
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
