Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
