I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
