oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
