i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
