I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
