i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
