What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
