why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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