I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
