Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
