a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize