I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
