So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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