I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
