you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
