I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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