Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My balls are so social today.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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