All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize