you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We just shotgunned beers for America
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
