She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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