no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
