There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
