you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
