Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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