woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
