Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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