We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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