The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
