First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
