i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
