it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
