You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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