Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
