i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
