the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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