I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
