two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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