I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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