I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
