On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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