How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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