it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
