man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
