My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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