i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
