went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
