Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
