does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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