The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
