We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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