I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
