you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
