Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
