Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
