you traded sex for a burrito?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
