this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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