the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
