O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize