He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
do herpes really smell.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
