I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We need to get me chipped asap
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
