the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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