Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
