you guys were way drunker than both of me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
