You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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