went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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