I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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