Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize