Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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