you would pick up someone in the library
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
