One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
