i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
