You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
