I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
