she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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