my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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