I think im going to throw up on grandma
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
