i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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