Kiss
Puke
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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