I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
if only i could text you this smell
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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