It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
And then he peed in my hair
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