I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
