You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
