Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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